I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I miss vodka workout Fridays
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
