i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
