You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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