dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
