So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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