I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
