my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
