Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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