Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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