I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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