How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
