Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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