your thong is hanging out like whoa
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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