So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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