Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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