She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
