went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
