She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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