You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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