i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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