First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
