I'm eating all of the evidence.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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