I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
