Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
