did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
