you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
