I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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