he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?