I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once