His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching