Texts From Last Night

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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.

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  (980): so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room. http://tfl.nu/bjdl
  Replies (5) Good night (2915) Bad night (1313)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."

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  (989): I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him." http://tfl.nu/yg5c
  Replies (9) Good night (800) Bad night (3578)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  "Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.

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  (309): "Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me. http://tfl.nu/fmev
  Replies (46) Good night (824) Bad night (3766)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.

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  (704): I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers. http://tfl.nu/zryg
  Replies (18) Good night (697) Bad night (4914)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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  (425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b
  Replies (14) Good night (1095) Bad night (7786)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it

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  (301): I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it http://tfl.nu/ek0f
  Replies (7) Good night (3281) Bad night (835)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...

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  (616): I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself. (616): The wine tasting is just for charity anyways... http://tfl.nu/d1ju
  Replies (3) Good night (2823) Bad night (762)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.

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  (870): Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships. http://tfl.nu/i0ve
  Replies (18) Good night (1255) Bad night (3256)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.

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  (770): Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out. http://tfl.nu/a31o
  Replies (12) Good night (5015) Bad night (839)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.

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  (812): I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator. http://tfl.nu/ijx1
  Replies (21) Good night (2124) Bad night (1039)
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  (310): View more from California

  Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart

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  (310): Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart http://tfl.nu/wp92
  Replies (8) Good night (1043) Bad night (454)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.

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  (610): its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate. http://tfl.nu/xmo4
  Replies (5) Good night (1595) Bad night (521)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.

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  (817): I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night. (512): Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there. http://tfl.nu/r01e
  Replies (4) Good night (1948) Bad night (353)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.

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  (702): Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE. http://tfl.nu/l3z1
  Replies (8) Good night (1063) Bad night (367)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Is being in jail an excusable absence?

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  (505): Is being in jail an excusable absence? http://tfl.nu/1yic
  Replies (1) Good night (280) Bad night (401)

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