Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
