Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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