What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
