here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
