Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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