Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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