cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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