You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
