It's just like the Real World with babies
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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