Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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