my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
