My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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