I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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