Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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