I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
