accomplished twins. life is a go
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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