Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
