piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
