I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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