this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
