My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
