Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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