Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
