Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
