I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
