apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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