i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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