the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
