I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
