Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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