I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
