Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
