Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
