end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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