This dress was meant to end up on your floor
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
