She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
