He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
