Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
