there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
