If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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