we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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