if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
